How I advanced my healing from the Vietnam War by writing and singing the blues..
I thought it might be helpful if I explained how I brought my
life back from the deep pit of PTSD. (Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder) A disorder brought on by too much combat.) I was unable
to go to group therapy sessions because hearing the sad stories
of each veteran coming around the circle towards me would so
seriously increase my depression that I would have to leave. In
fact, just going to the VA Hospital for appointments would
increase my symptoms so much that I would often have to turn
around and go home because I couldn't even enter the building.
However, when I was fighting for my service-connected PTSD
compensation, I would have to be hospitalized for thirty days at
a time, which really backed up my healing process. So I had to
figure out something on my own.
I started writing things down that I couldn't even talk about
to my wife and we had been married for nineteen years at that
time. To my surprise, my writing always came out in poetry form
and then I would convert it into the blues, but the most amazing
thing was that I would feel some measure of relief just by
getting my Nam experiences down on paper. I had no idea this
would lead to a full blown career, but that's another story. At
any rate, writing is where my healing began.
However, every day of my life was still controlled by my PTSD.
So I tried to use the old sixties method of going inside your own
head and trying to fix things, but this nearly resulted in my
head exploding! I don?t know where it came from or when it hit
me, but one day I said, "Sarge, look around you and see how many
people could use help worse than you", so I quit thinking of
myself and started helping others. This is when my healing really
began to advance.
When I found out how good it made me feel to hand a few
dollars to a homeless person, often a veteran themselves, I began
to realize what the basic problem of PTSD is and that is a
shattered self-image. Because I carried the M-79 grenade launcher
in Nam, (big explosion when the bullet hit), I found that most of
the terrible names people called us when we got home were true
about me. When I realized that I was suffering from a badly
shattered self-image from all of the things I'd done in the line
of duty in Vietnam, but that I could rebuild my self- image by
helping others, I got creative and thought of a lot of different
ways to help those folks who were in worse shape than me. My
"Vietnam Blues" has become very popular and I now have a new and
happy life thanks to my being touched by the blues.
By Sarge Lintecum